Full at lunch

Crime: Being full in the second degree; Being a little baby's ice cream in the first degree.
Location: Husband Crime Stomach
Description: Suspect was lovingly commanded to eat a foot long BLT instead of a six inch, because, come on, how can you get full off a six inch for lunch?? This is the weirdo who has three bags of Doritos before bed.
Suspect then admitted that this was "too much food", which, come on. Also, he claims his stomach was upset by the bacon and mayonnaise, like you can have TOO MUCH mayo.
Sentence: Only allowed to have baby food for little babies like himself.