Crime: Blog Negligence, first degree; Obstruction of Justice
Location: Husband Crime Blog
Discription: Suspect failed to continue updating the Husband Crime Blotter blog, even though he is continuing to commit husband crimes on a daily basis.
Verdict: Guilty.
Sentence: Blog must be updated in perpetuity.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Playing Magic: The Gathering
Crimine: Criminal Nerd Game Enjoyment, 1st degree; Wife Negligence, second degree.
Location: Husband Crime Lair
Discription: Suspect caught red-handed playing with his weird little Magic cards when his wife is right here waiting to watch some Dr Who on Netflix Instant, hopefully where the Doctor's shirt comes off again.
Verdict: Guilty.
Sentence: Suspect is only allowed Magic cards featuring ladies with big boobs; Dr Who marathon if victim gets tired of Dragon Age II over the weekend. Co-defendent released as he is outside of wife's jurisdiction.
Location: Husband Crime Lair
Discription: Suspect caught red-handed playing with his weird little Magic cards when his wife is right here waiting to watch some Dr Who on Netflix Instant, hopefully where the Doctor's shirt comes off again.
Verdict: Guilty.
Sentence: Suspect is only allowed Magic cards featuring ladies with big boobs; Dr Who marathon if victim gets tired of Dragon Age II over the weekend. Co-defendent released as he is outside of wife's jurisdiction.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Got sick
Crime: Sickness, Class B; Making Wife Worry, Class A
Location: Husband Crime Country
Description: Husband (the accused) contracted a non-life-threatening yet serious illness, causing Wife (the victim) to question his life choices and worry. Of particular concern is his diet, vitamins and minerals, and his apparent no-effort weight loss. This also distracts Husband (the accused) from his normal pattern of thoughts which should be of delightful presents for Wife (the victim.)
Verdict: Guilty.
Sentence: Husband is to spend thirty (30) days, or the duration of his illness as time served fending concerns over whether he is living his life properly and eating like a civilized human being. Husband is also sentenced to feel guilt over making Wife worry terribly.
Location: Husband Crime Country
Description: Husband (the accused) contracted a non-life-threatening yet serious illness, causing Wife (the victim) to question his life choices and worry. Of particular concern is his diet, vitamins and minerals, and his apparent no-effort weight loss. This also distracts Husband (the accused) from his normal pattern of thoughts which should be of delightful presents for Wife (the victim.)
Verdict: Guilty.
Sentence: Husband is to spend thirty (30) days, or the duration of his illness as time served fending concerns over whether he is living his life properly and eating like a civilized human being. Husband is also sentenced to feel guilt over making Wife worry terribly.
Gratification Delayment
Crime: Gratification Delayment in the First Degree; Allowing food to cool below 150 degrees before eating; Criminal interference with wife eating.
Location: Movie Theater, Husband Crime Seat sub-sector
Discription: Husband was provided with a one (1) medium popcorn and soda by wife; Husband did not eat said popcorn during the previews, instead saving it for when the movie actually began, by which time it was not hot, since there were 35 minutes of annoying ads before the movie started.
Verdict: Guilty.
Sentence: Popcorn eaten. Suspect has been judged incapable of managing his own popcorn supply, which will now be in the hands of the state designated popcorn control officer (wife).
Location: Movie Theater, Husband Crime Seat sub-sector
Discription: Husband was provided with a one (1) medium popcorn and soda by wife; Husband did not eat said popcorn during the previews, instead saving it for when the movie actually began, by which time it was not hot, since there were 35 minutes of annoying ads before the movie started.
Verdict: Guilty.
Sentence: Popcorn eaten. Suspect has been judged incapable of managing his own popcorn supply, which will now be in the hands of the state designated popcorn control officer (wife).
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Licked Tip of Nose
Crime: Nose Moistening with Intent to Gross Out
Location: Multiple
Description: Suspect has been known to go in for kiss, only to deceitfully lick tip of Victim's nose. Victim responses with "Ewww..." and wipes nose on Suspect.
Verdict: Initially Guilty, overturned on Appeal. Victim was found on Appeal to actually smile and giggle, and say she found it "cute."
Sentence: None (Acquitted)
Passed Up Parking Space
Crime: Parking Avoidance, Class 3 (1 class per space)
Location: Husband Crime Food Depository
Description: Suspect was observed passing a minimum of three parking meters until he found a suitable parking space. Victim was forced to walk an extra 30 feet to location. Suspect pleaded that parallel parking is generally an "assload of problems."
Verdict: Guilty
Sentence: Poked in side quite hard
Friday, July 1, 2011
Not hearing wife return
Crime: Criminal Wife Arrival Ignorance
Location: Husband Crime Stronghold
Discription: Victim went to the gas station to get vital supplies. Suspect, upon her return, was ensconed in his crime lair on the second floor with his loud AC on wearing his headphones when victim returned. Suspect somehow did not hear victim's return and cries for attention.
Verdict: Guilty.
Sentence: Headphones taken; Gas-station cookie privlidges revoked.
Location: Husband Crime Stronghold
Discription: Victim went to the gas station to get vital supplies. Suspect, upon her return, was ensconed in his crime lair on the second floor with his loud AC on wearing his headphones when victim returned. Suspect somehow did not hear victim's return and cries for attention.
Verdict: Guilty.
Sentence: Headphones taken; Gas-station cookie privlidges revoked.
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