Full at lunch

Crime: Being full in the second degree; Being a little baby's ice cream in the first degree.
Location: Husband Crime Stomach
Description: Suspect was lovingly commanded to eat a foot long BLT instead of a six inch, because, come on, how can you get full off a six inch for lunch?? This is the weirdo who has three bags of Doritos before bed.
Suspect then admitted that this was "too much food", which, come on. Also, he claims his stomach was upset by the bacon and mayonnaise, like you can have TOO MUCH mayo.
Sentence: Only allowed to have baby food for little babies like himself.

 

Funny name in credits not seen

Crime: Murder, She Wrote non-viewing; Wife Negligence, second degree.
Location: Husband Crime Lair
Discription: Suspect failed to heed the G Chat message telling him to come downstairs because there's a guy on Murder She Wrote named ROGER BONERZ CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT.
Verdict: Very Guilty.
Sentence: Years of bitter recriminations.

Blog non-updating

Crime: Blog Negligence, first degree; Obstruction of Justice
Location: Husband Crime Blog
Discription: Suspect failed to continue updating the Husband Crime Blotter blog, even though he is continuing to commit husband crimes on a daily basis.
Verdict: Guilty.
Sentence: Blog must be updated in perpetuity.

Playing Magic: The Gathering

Crimine: Criminal Nerd Game Enjoyment, 1st degree; Wife Negligence, second degree.
Location: Husband Crime Lair
Discription: Suspect caught red-handed playing with his weird little Magic cards when his wife is right here waiting to watch some Dr Who on Netflix Instant, hopefully where the Doctor's shirt comes off again.
Verdict: Guilty.
Sentence: Suspect is only allowed Magic cards featuring ladies with big boobs; Dr Who marathon if victim gets tired of Dragon Age II over the weekend. Co-defendent released as he is outside of wife's jurisdiction.

Got sick

Crime: Sickness, Class B; Making Wife Worry, Class A
Location: Husband Crime Country
Description: Husband (the accused) contracted a non-life-threatening yet serious illness, causing Wife (the victim) to question his life choices and worry. Of particular concern is his diet, vitamins and minerals, and his apparent no-effort weight loss. This also distracts Husband (the accused) from his normal pattern of thoughts which should be of delightful presents for Wife (the victim.)
Verdict: Guilty.
Sentence: Husband is to spend thirty (30) days, or the duration of his illness as time served fending concerns over whether he is living his life properly and eating like a civilized human being. Husband is also sentenced to feel guilt over making Wife worry terribly.

Gratification Delayment

Crime: Gratification Delayment in the First Degree; Allowing food to cool below 150 degrees before eating; Criminal interference with wife eating.
Location: Movie Theater, Husband Crime Seat sub-sector
Discription: Husband was provided with a one (1) medium popcorn and soda by wife; Husband did not eat said popcorn during the previews, instead saving it for when the movie actually began, by which time it was not hot, since there were 35 minutes of annoying ads before the movie started.
Verdict: Guilty.
Sentence: Popcorn eaten. Suspect has been judged incapable of managing his own popcorn supply, which will now be in the hands of the state designated popcorn control officer (wife).

Licked Tip of Nose

Crime: Nose Moistening with Intent to Gross Out

Location: Multiple

Description: Suspect has been known to go in for kiss, only to deceitfully lick tip of Victim's nose. Victim responses with "Ewww..." and wipes nose on Suspect.

Verdict: Initially Guilty, overturned on Appeal. Victim was found on Appeal to actually smile and giggle, and say she found it "cute."

Sentence: None (Acquitted)